“Bindi nahi lagati tum?” “Mangalsutra kaha hai tumhara?”

These were not spoken by my in-laws but by educated and “progressive” colleagues of mine (both males and females) when I had just gotten married. Their bone of contention was that I don’t look married enough.
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What they failed to understand that I didn’t marry to show the world but to be with the one love, forever.

What is it with our Indian thought process that makes us want to adorn ourselves with bindi, choodi (bangles), mangal sutra and bichhua. There is nothing wrong in wearing these, in fact this shringar looks amazing.

I wear whenever them when I want to look good and feel awesome. It brings out a beautiful glow and a sense of tradition. However, I do find these things cumbersome.

I hate it when my bangles bang against the desk when I am at work.

I hate it when my bicchua hurts my toes in my shoes.

I hate it when my bindi becomes off center or worse moves to the side of my face.

Mangalsutra is too decorous for my taste, sindoor (vermillion) I realized is not good for my skin considering my vitiligo issue.

And in any case, shouldn’t it be about choice?

Yes even my in-laws and my mother had an issue with me not putting bindi and applying sindoor over my forehead. Although, they don’t say anything anymore.

I have now learned to compromise. When I am at their place, I put on bindi, sindoor, bangles and mangalsutra. When I am at my place, I do as I want.

In my sister’s wedding, I put beautiful metal choodies (bangles) and my cousin grandma scolded me in front of everyone that I should put on lac or glass bangles, I shouldn’t forget that I am married now! I tell you, how can I forget that I am married, when I have a 5’10” tall husband standing next to me!!

I also remember one incident in office. I used to work for a defense-related company. Their workforce was mostly male. And few elderly women. I came to office in a skirt, one day.

Arey hungama mach gaya!

Next day many of my friends came over to say that my wearing skirt was not ‘appreciated’ as men may get distracted. Shieeeett! I tell you, I didn’t know if I should feel flattered or scandalized! Anyhow, I didn’t care and thankfully many other girls joined with me and wore skirts and ruled these men in their fancy shoes. Thankfully.

My point is, why don’t Indian married men too have an accessory that announces that they are married? Why only women??

As my husband tells me, “Aapke suhaag ki nishani main hoon, you don’t need anything else!” but he thinks I look beautiful in bindi.

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