Picture Credit – Brittany Latham Studios

“God needed another angel.”
“There was probably something wrong with it- it’s for the best.”
“God knew you didn’t need more than two.”
“Everything happens for a reason.”
“It was just God’s plan.”
“You can always have another one.”
“It’s not like you even knew you were pregnant.”
“Now you don’t have to raise a child in this awful world.”
“It just wasn’t your time yet.”
“Just get over it.”
“Maybe you’ll have twins to make up for it.”
“Are you sure you didn’t drink too much caffeine?”
“At least you never met it.”

You were real even if I didn’t know that you were growing deep inside. You were real even if you were just a tiny little embryo. It wasn’t God’s plan for you to leave me – it’s the result of a broken world with broken bodies.

You were real enough to have me running to the bathroom during the night and early in the morning. You were real when you were born at 20 weeks and I held your see through skin and cried out to anyone that would listen. You were real when I felt you barrel roll in the belly. You were real when I stocked your closet full of pink.

You were real when I called the nurse and said, ” He hasn’t moved all day.” You were real when I thought I was going to find out if you were a boy or a girl and there was no heartbeat.

You were real when the doctor said, “I am sorry- there’s nothing that you or I could have done differently.” You were real when I dreamt about you and your dark curls every night thereafter. You were real when I cried myself to sleep and wondered why I didn’t get to keep my baby. You were real when I went to the breakroom at work and saw blood. You were real when we buried you with a baby lamb on top.

The pain is real, the tears are real, the memories are real. You were real from the very first pink lines to the last day that I had to watch you leave my body. You were always real. You were always mine.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the Mommies with babies in heaven, not just today, not tomorrow – EVERYDAY.

Comments