So, the weekend’s agenda was – ‘meet the in-laws’ – my in-laws. And like many women, In spite of being married for a long time, the ‘in-law’ factor still stirs a lot of mixed emotions, though I have learnt my way out of nagging situations, my heart still continues to beat faster.

Anyway, there were lots of children, as it was my nephew’s birthday party. The kids were playing, shouting, running, jumping, fighting – exactly in that order. My son is a little sensitive; he hasn’t yet learnt to deal with violent or hyper energetic kids. He kept requesting a child of his age to stop kicking him, but the other one didn’t listen, and as it’s famously said, “Survival of the fittest“, my son finally kicked back, and blocked him using his karate moves, (at last the technique was put to use)!

The fight actually increased, as the boy now charged with all his might. By the time the elders stopped the fight, that kid had hurt my son, I was chatting with my father-in-law and another relative who was also quite an elderly person, when my son came in crying, showing the bruise. While I was consoling him, I also explained, why it’s important to fight back. In the middle of all this, the elder person said, “Hey, stop behaving like a girl, you are a boy, and MEN don’t CRY!!”

I was surprised. My father-in-law was looking at me, and I for a minute struggled, as this person is also a close relative of my in-laws. Finally, politely but firmly, I told that person,  that I do not agree with such views, and this is not what I teach my son, and I surely don’t want him to imbibe such ‘shallow’ values. I told my son, who had a quizzical expression on his face that it’s perfectly fine to cry. I had always told him that. I said it’s a good way of venting your emotions, so now; he had those raised eyebrows, a question mark on his forehead, because he had never heard this before. He started doubting me, as the valuable advice of “boys don’t cry” was coming from A MAN, an elderly person, and he was always taught that elders certainly knew more than the parents. Phew!! For a minute, I thought “OMG! What khichdi (mess) of thoughts in that small brain?”

I finally pulled him to me, and I said “Dear Son, men can cry. Crying is not bad. Tears come from our heart when we are hurt, when we are sad and in pain. Tears should not be used as a weapon to demand stuff or throw a tantrum. At the same time, crying for everything can label you as a whiny kid. A whiny kid can be a girl or a boy. Tears otherwise, are a healthy way of expressing our pent up emotions. Tears have no gender”.

Then my son said, “So why did that Uncle say that boys don’t cry? You always say that they know things more than you”.

For which I replied, Uncle belonged to a time, when boys were told to be always tough, not to do household work, not to help any women, but, times have changed, and most men realized, that being tough doesn’t mean hiding emotions, it meant, accepting that you are a human being, and it’s very natural to feel sad as it is to feel happy.

Then I gave him the example of his Dad, who expresses his emotions, who helps around the house etc.., and he is respected and loved tremendously for that. “So don’t you want to be like him?” I asked.  For which he replied in positive, and said that he also helps around the house, and I said yes, and told him that I was proud of him. He went back to the gang of children; I just smiled at my father-in-law and the elderly relative, told him that times have really changed. He obviously did not agree, but he knew in his heart that it was true.

Just when I sat down for a gossip session with my sisters-in-law, my son came back asking the meaning of ‘tears of joy’, I requested for another day to explain him that phrase.

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