Effects of Porn on Real Relationships

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Pornography is becoming hipper and acceptable. Visual imagery of pornography has become a popular culture worldwide. And the pornographic curve is rising in India too.

“To see or not to see?” a question in many people’s mind today.

The youth looks at porn as their answer to their ever increasing curiosity and the natural urge for sex at their growing age. The lack of sex education and the taboo around it from the parents, teachers or any trusted adult gives them a convenient reason to turn to porn for easily available ‘education’. This education then becomes a source of excitement and pleasure.

While porn has given ‘education’ to many it has also ruined many marital lives.

There are few pros in comparison to the many cons of watching porn for married couples.

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The reasons the couple could watch porn are –

  • If husband and wife watch porn together, it’ll help them understand each other sexually, especially each others’ likes and dislikes.
  • It is better than having one partner watch it alone. The involvement of the spouse while watching porn can bring in some fun, excitement and exploration in their sexual life.
  • It can be used as a bridge to become closer and intimate with one’s partner.

The above mentioned pros can be a positive and enriching experience for a couple ONLY if pornography is consumed in a mutual, consensual, and an open manner.

But most of the time, porn is watched to fulfill fantasies and desires without communicating them to their respective partners. Even though this ready information is available on the internet, it is best to get educated and empowered by an expert in the field.

Reasons one should NOT watch porn are –

  • Watching porn reminds you of all the potential sexual partners out there who can make your fantasies come true. But it’s not so. Porn sex is not real sex. This expectation in turn lowers your dedication to the person you’re actually involved with.
  • It leads to unreal expectations from your partner.

Men have expressed dissatisfaction and disappointment to their women because of the way she ‘looks’. A woman’s body goes through many changes all her life depending on the phase she is in. Marriage, Child birth, depression, stress, work, hormonal issues could be some reasons her body might not be in a so called ‘perfect shape’. A healthy body is important not the society defined measurements.

  • Porn may lead to infidelity. As the popular saying goes the grass is always “greener” on the other side.
  • Porn can become one of the reasons for emotional disconnect with your partner. You start seeking more ‘fun’ from different sources and your partner is left high and dry.
  • Porn leads to objectification of the woman. In porn, women are looked at as merely a tool to satisfy a man’s sexual needs. In the long run, this leads to disrespect & increased insensitivity towards women.
  • It may increase incidents of unwanted, non-consensual sexual acts on the partner.

Many a times, without understanding the sexual orientation shown in the porn video, a man can use violence against a woman for his own pleasure or experiments.

  • Appearance and performance shown in the porn videos are unreal. The comparisons between the porn actors and their real life partners leave the viewers disappointed.
  • Porn is make-believe. Porn shows no emotion, and hence the viewers are not sensitized towards their partner’s wants, needs, likes or dislikes. An increased importance is given to sexual relations without emotional involvement. Porn sometimes leads us to believe that sex does not need any emotion, which is incorrect.

“I am no longer a sexual person or partner to him, but a sexual object. He is not really with me, not really making love to me… He seems to be thinking about something else – like those women he sees in porn videos… He is just using me as a warm body.” ~ Bergner & Bridges

Research shows that if the couples are SEX EDUCATED, they will never take porn just as a tool for one’s own pleasure. They would in fact use it to maximize the pleasure of sex with their partners.

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  • Niyati Shah
  • Niyatii N Shah
    Sexuality Educator & Counselor

    Niyati has conducted sex education workshops on Appropriate / Inappropriate Touch, Puberty & Early Teens for thousands of children as well as parents. Launched in February 2013, AVERTI was conceptualized by Niyati to be a premium one-stop-shop service for all training needs, for kids & parents, with regards to relationships, sexual health and development, understanding and accepting one’s body.

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