“Finally, I Have Been Able to Come to Terms with my Body and Self-Doubts!” Janvi Sonaiya’s Letter on Body Positivity

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I was 9 when I was first taken to a dermatologist and was told I had skin disorder. My body would turn red, swell and there was unbearable itching. I avoided going to playgrounds, I would stay silent and secluded from other kids as I didn’t want them to laugh on my swollen lips. Body issues and I, have got along so well.

I was 14 when I first experienced burning sensation when a doctor exfoliated my facial skin. Undergoing all this, just to remove those innocent pimples. Even now that am writing this, I have goosebumps and my eyes have turned a pool of tears.

I was 16 when I fell in love for the first time. It was all good until the guy came close to me, he stared right into my eyes and I was waiting for the magical moment when he said, ‘you have a lot of hair on your face.’ I started waxing my face and dated that guy for years, thinking the problem is with me and not with his body shaming.

I was 19 when my mother took me to a gynecologist to help me increase my breast size (as my younger cousins were fuller than me). Thank god, the doctor said ‘aaj kal zero size fashion main hain’. I was saved.

Growing up, I had times when I was with a guy I loved but I wouldn’t let him come close because I didn’t want him to see my facial hair, I didn’t want those breasts to come out of that padded bra; I didn’t even realise when I just reduced them to their ‘size’, I was even unaware of the fact that having hair on my vulva was completely healthy and normal. Most of my life, I couldn’t come in terms with how I looked.

It has taken me a lot of courage, experience and years to break these self-made shackles and finally accept me as I am. I was shy, nervous, had self-doubts but for once I wanted to face my body as it is. And thus, this photoshoot. (and a lot of other things to encourage body positivity).

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I took a sign of relief, I felt liberated just after I got my pictures clicked. Excitedly, I showed it to my partner. “Did you sleep with the photographer after the shoot?” he asked, and I was ready to fight another battle; this time not with myself but with patriarchy.

 

 

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  • janvi-sonaiya_oowomaniya
  • Janvi   Sonaiya
    Media Professional

    Writing for newspapers, modelling, poetry recitation and speaking my mind are the things that Janvi loves to do. She has been in the media industry from past 5 years. She hails from this little town named Jam-Khambhalia. Janvi hopes for a better world, a safer and happier one.

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