The millennials are a super confident and a self reliant lot. No generation has known their expectation out of life as much as them. The human race is at its creative best. How about our emotional evolution? Have we seen an upsurge there too? There is a sea-change in the dynamics of human associations, interactions and relationships.

I have a few friends and clientele from the millennial generation.

And have noticed 2 pictures as far as romantic relationships are concerned:

1. Some have been in a long time relationship and are unable to heal and move-on for a longer time after a break up, with the query – “Are relationships so easy to walk away from one, and then to the next?”. They have felt being loved and have been in love while in the relationship and were looking at commitment from their partners.
2. Some are unable to seriously commit to one person, and are moving from showing interest in one person and then to the next. They have felt happy, had good times and memory with the person they were in love with, but did not want to commit. They are being taken care of and are loved but panic when it is time to commit & to be responsible.

A prospective partner now is just a click away, thanks to dating apps. And a break-up is just a text message away. We, somewhere in between technological evolution, have forgotten that technology can never be a substitute for human touch (of emotions) and expression.

When was the last time you heard the quivering voice and held the hand of a friend passing through an emotional trauma?

With the ‘hook-up’ culture, have we lost the concept & depth of love? Majority of the current generation is largely devoid of pure, real human interaction.

I often find youngsters isolating themselves so that they can ‘do well’ in their lives. They appear less than ready for a long term commitment & are unwilling to share personal mind space. Life for them seems to be more about ‘ME’ now than ‘WE’.

Why the lack of commitment mindset?

1. Less exposure to warm interpersonal interaction between parents & family since the parents were pressurised to work and earn esp. In metropolitan cities.
2. The child at an early age has the responsibility of the freedom granted by the parents. All confused at a tender age, mistakes occurred, which the child went on covering up due to communication gap with the parents & a fear of being reprimanded.
3. Warm gatherings and trips always facilitate bonding with & acceptance of people as they are. Get-togethers with extended family & friends have been replaced by office parties.
4. Flaunting of relationship status & pictures on social media leaves the youngsters with an intense pressure to ‘fit-in’ with their peers, that generates an anxiety and impacts his/ her self esteem and self image. This is the human psyche of conformity.
5. People are increasingly deriving happiness from conforming to society’s standards and definition of success. Increasing non acceptance towards one’s own flaws and failures is the result. Our self- concept and self- image needs to be peeped into.
6. Decreased mutual tolerance.
7. Lack of reflecting on self and a low self esteem often leads to blaming the partner, thereby creating easy rifts.

What can be done?

• Accept:- A relationship is about accepting the other person in toto- flaws included. Since a relationship involves people from 2 different spaces coming together, differences and challenges are expected. And they can be worked out to a large extent. Mending things is one of the ways.
• Understand:- Understand your pattern in relationships. If there is something that keeps you away from being committal, talk to your partner or seek help.

Meet people, get to understand them. Let us think on lines of what we can add to our partner’s lives rather than concluding how they can serve us.

• Time together: – Dedicate time to bonding either over the dining table at home; or spend time playing games together. Switch away from all distractions with taking out time just for your partner.
• Do things for the other with a personal touch:- Surprises are better felt when personal efforts are made. Cooking for your partner may be a more loving gesture than buying them a dress or dining at an expensive outlet.
• Self-esteem:- Know that you are unique as an individual, and the peer standards are an ever changing one. Introspect to know what resonates with your mental make-up of beliefs and vision.

Non Consummation in Relationships & Sexual Health – explained by Dr. Ajith Chakravarthy

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